If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
