Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
