whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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