Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
