I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
