He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
