You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
