I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
