I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
