i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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