oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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