Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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