Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
