I should be sponsored by Trojan
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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