dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
