where am i from again
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
