i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
