I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
