It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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