He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
