how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
