he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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