eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
