How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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