fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
