The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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