people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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