so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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