And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I puked a lego.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
