And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
