It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
