Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
