Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
