Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
