whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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