Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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