I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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