you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
