Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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