I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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