woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
