my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
