I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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