I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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