i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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