so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
