He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
