he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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