hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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