Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
