yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
