You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
