How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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