Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
