i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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