Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
